I know some of you are wondering, “Will one of those crappy little mini-fridges that they have in hotel rooms keep a half-gallon of ice cream frozen?” Wonder no more!

The answer is, “Probably, as long as the cleaning ladies don’t flip the switch that shuts off power to all the room’s outlets when they’re cleaning the room at noon, and you don’t get back from your training until about five in the evening, at which point it’s just mush.”

Or, in my particular case, Fat Free, Sugar Free, Slightly Vanilla-flavored Mush, with Splenda™.

I tried to make a float out of it, in much the same way that old ladies will make a pudding out of clearly rotted bananas, with, like, maggots crawling out of them and stuff. The result was…well, pretty much what you’d expect.